The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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