you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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