margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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