i may or may not be watching the land before time
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
