What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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