we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
