he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
