Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
