dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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