yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
