he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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