Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
