i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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