I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
