rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
