She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
