he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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