I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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