Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
someone owes me an orgasm
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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