My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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