We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
