So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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