And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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