I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
