I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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