Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
