yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
