I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my liver is dry heaving
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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