You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
