at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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