Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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