why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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