I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
