I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
