A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
