You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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