I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
