I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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