haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
