I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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