You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
