Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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