i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
