Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My penis needs a shock collar
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
