I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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