Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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