He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
