I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
