Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
