I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
