TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
