Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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