Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
