It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
